My Only Need - You O Lord

My Only Need

Psalm 38:18, 21-22

18 I confess my iniquity;
         I am sorry for my sin.
21 Do not forsake me, O Lord;
         O my God, do not be far from me;
22 make haste to help me,
         O Lord, my salvation. (NRSV)

Observation:
     This Psalm is filled with great suffering. It seems clear that the suffering is associated with ones own transgression (18). Yet, verse 18 is filled with a hopefulness that forgiveness and restoration are possible. There is hope in confession and remorse, but the hope is not in the substance of confession or remorse, the hope is in something or someone of far greater importance. It is as if there is an understanding that I must confess though I am not forgiven. I am sorry though I am not saved. No, it is only in the presence and work of God that I am brought into His salvation.

Application:
     There are many ways that I find myself in some type of suffering. I may make plans, take on some task, or procrastinate on some assignment. Whatever the reason suffering is not always the fault of others or even my enemy. Often the choices I make slowly move me from my attention to God, and soon my relationship with Him weakens. Not because he has stopped pursuing me; rather, because I have stopped looking at Him. The actions need not be sinful. In fact many of them are based on good intentions, holy thoughts, or trying to do His work. Nevertheless, if I do these things through my power, my plan, and my understanding I slip away from Him; this can become sin to me.
     Soon there is pain in my life. The pain is not bad, it serves as a warning. Pain and suffering captures my attention and causes me to turn a look for God. I realize that He is not close. I realize that He is at a distance. (Again, He has not moved away from me. I have wandered from Him). Like a child who has wandered to many clothes racks from her/his mother I cry out. I cry out, "O my God, do not be far from me; hurry come help me!" I am helpless and hopeless without my God.
     I am in need of His salvation. Again, I realize that He is my salvation. I wait for His presence to return. I walk closer, listen harder, and trust more deeply. I listen for His gentle voice and his merciful correction. Once again, we are one, walking together in the cool of the day. May I never forget, may I never again wander; although, if I do watch myself I will become distracted once more and wander from His side.

Prayer:
     Heavenly Father, keep watch over my soul. Strengthen my resolve to walk humbly and faithfully with you. May, I fall deeper in love with you, and as I do may I decrease in my desires of self and increase in my desire to reflect your image. I confess that I am prone to lean on my own understanding, my own past experience, and my own intuition. Forgive me for my trespasses. Draw close to me Lord, quickly so that I will find myself enveloped in your salvation. Thank you, Jesus for showing me what I am to be in you. - Amen